And the Oscar goes to......

I have no doubt in my mind that I will be sitting in the audience one day swelling with pride as I hear the beginning of the phrase that will, I assure you end with my sons name. He can be so dramatic at times. My mother will tell you he gets it from me. I however must protest. And will PROTEST rather loudly.

Scene 1 : Master bathroom / Mother with hands full of product and running it through her wet hair / Child walks, no shuffles in, hand to left ear / cat meowing as he rubs against my legs / *&$$-ing dogs barking outside / me letting out my famous dog whistle and yelling ENOUGH !!!! ***something that has been going on since about 3:00 this morning***

Me: Looking at child through mirror with a “Oh I can't wait to hear this” look.

H: **holding hand to left ear** Do I have to go to school, because it's going to be rather difficult for me to hear the teacher with my ear being plugged.

Me: Yes, you can listen with your other ear. You do still have another ear don't you ?

H: Yes, but ** making yawing motion to pop ear**, I can barely hear. **he does this in a whisper**

Me: Well, I can hear just fine so there is no need to whisper. Besides, why are you whispering if your ear is plugged ?

H: Oh, I thought I might be over compensating ** you know he's faking now** by speaking loudly because my ear is plugged.

Me: Yeah, riiiiggghhhht !!! Hop in the shower and let the steam work its magic. Yawn while in there to try and open up the tube. Rub from behind the ear down towards your throat. You know what to do. So hop, skip and jump to it.

H: *****heavy sigh***** fine

Scene 2 : My office / radio playing / fan on low speed / morning office chatter
Bell chime ** new text message**

H: I don't feel good

Me: What doesn't feel good

H: Everything

Me: Well, if you come home you will go straight to bed no TV no X-box and how will you be able to get your missing assignments from your teachers

H: I'm not coming

Me: Are you sure ? ***i will admit to messing with him right about now** Because if you are truly sick then you need to be home in bed getting better. I will call and see if I can't get you into Cuyler, so he can check your ear out ***he has had several ear problems/surgeries***

H: No
Me: No, what ?

H: Not coming home

There's a Shakespeare play, where the Queen states, “ The Lady doth protest too much, methinks”

Someday, although I would rather he not, he will figure out the fine art “playing” sick, so as to make it more believable. So as to actually “make” it home. However, as long as he is in my house, I will always have one up on him. And unless his is puking on his shoes or in the teachers lap, he isn't coming home !!!! He tends to be hit, out of the blue with sudden illness when there is a quiz/test that he hasn't studied for. Or if there is an assignment he didn't finish or more likely, didn't do. Ohhhh, to be a kid again.

At least when I could tell the teacher I had “really” bad cramps and...... ****said teacher, usually male would just hold their hand up in a “stop right there” motion and send me home***** And with a turn of my head, a wink of my eye and an innocent little smile, I'd be out the door ***doubled over in pain*** and on my way home. Maybe I should have the Oscar. I think I shall go work on my acceptance speech now !!!!