Happy Halloweenie........

I feel somewhat disconnected, as I haven't blogged, in what

seems like forever. So imagine my surprise, when this morning when checking out my most favorite blog, my name was mentioned. I received a blogging/scribble award from my non- biological twin. I was nothing but a big ol' grin from ear to ear. Then I immediately felt horrible for my lack of scibbling. I felt I didn't deserve such an award. So, I am trying to make amends, sot hat I feel worthy of such honor.

Soooo..................... here it is. My lame little post.

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I'm so not worthy...........

Random........

To get rid of nasty little telemarketers, might I suggest this little trick.

Phone ringing: **female voice** Hi, is Joel there ?

Me: **irritated cause I don't like telemarketers** Who is this ? **rather snatchy**

Telemarketer: This is Spot, is Joel in ?

Me: Spot ????? Oh that's cute. Is that what they're calling whores nowdays ? Are you the little tramp sneaking around with my husband ? Do you get your jollies of of it ?!?!?!?

Telemarketer: Wha ??? uh...ummmmm ??? sputter...sputter....sputter....chuckle....

Me: Oh !!!! Are you laughing ?!?! Do you think this is funny ?!?!? Guess what sugar, your number popped up on the caller ID and now I'm going to do a reverse look up and get your address. You little whore !!!! Who do you think you are ?!?!? I'm going to find you !!!! Make no mistake about it and when I do...........you're nothing but a sleexy little tramp !!! Can't find your own man so you gotta try and take mine !!!!! I will find you.

Telemarketer : ***click***

Huh ?!?!? You think she'll call me back !?!?!?!

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To avoid this, somewhat unattractive facial expression.............





I feel that if a company can chop up garlic and put it in a jar, then one would think they would be able to do the same with onions !!!!



***** Things I don't like*****

Ignorant drivers
Stupid people
People that DON'T listen to what I say, therefore making me have to say it again..only slower
Crabby Dragons
Peas
Asparagas
Seafood
Spiders
The writers strike that cause my 24 season to be cancelled
The Presidential nominee *** you make your guess as to which one ***
My alarm going off so early
That I have YET to win the lottery
That I don't have a maid, a cook, a house boy, a pool boy or a pool for that matter
And.................

The fact that I have nothing else to say right now

I was, at one time, or so I thought.....

what you would call "textually challenged". Don't get me wrong, I know how to text. I just did the old way. You know, hitting each key individually to spell the word out. Then a "monogamy challenged" friend led me into the wonderful world of T9 or smart text and I have never looked back. I have become a texting fiend. So much so, that my 6 key on the keypad is worn. The 8 is getting close and I've only had the phone for 2 months. It wasn't something I had to worry about with my old one. Those keys were hard. I've become so quick at it the I'm done and the phone is playing catch up. It's awesome.

I thought, gone were the days of slow texting. Gone were the days of mispelled words. Gone, I tell you, gone. Until this afternoon, that is. Here is my text.

"Sweet we are having to go to another starbucks as the one we went to was only selling talk dimples as they were out of kids"

Hit send. Sending. Showing me what I sent. WHOA WHOA WAIT....WTH ?!?!?!? Laughing. Car horn honking. Brakes being slammed on. Me screaming. No I didn't get into an accident. I was not driving. I was a passenger, hence the reason I was texting. Yeah, I said hence. Some idiot was backing out of a parking space while looking the OPPOSITE direction of the way they were pulling out. And.........they were on the phone !!!! Which by the way is ILLEGAL in my state !!!

What I was trying to say was :

"Sweet we are having to go to another starbucks as the one we went to was only selling tall drinks as they were out of lids"

The response I got :

Cool. see ya when you get here

The recipient didn't read it.

I give you parental embarrasment........

I'm sure, since the beginning of time that children have embarrassed their parents. According to my mother I have done this on more than one occasion. I tell her she is mental, for I was a wonderful child. The picture of perfection. I spoke when spoken to. I always answered with a yes ma'am or no ma'am. Why, my mother was always complimented on how well behaved I was. Something that my father always took credit for whenever he decided to be in my life.

My mom would love to tell you of the time I unzipped her bathing suit cover up. A cover up that she had nothing on underneath. A cover up I unzipped in front of the Minister. Or perhaps she would tell you of the time while having dinner with my Grandmothers that I blurted out at the top of my lungs that we LEARNED ABOUT WET DREAMS IN HEALTH CLAS TODAY !!! I think was a little upset at having to be there for as long as were, as I thought I was going to miss Miami Vice.

She has always told me that my time would come. Just wait until I had a child of my own. Well I did. He has. The time I took him to the bathroom. He was 2 ½ – 3 and not tall enough to stand and pee. So I place him on several ass-gaskets and then proceed to point the hose down, so as not to get doused. To which he, at the top of his lungs screams “DON'T TOUCH ME THERE !!!!! “ The lady in the next stall suddenly gasped. There was a lot of rattling, like she was trying to get out of the stall and save this child who was being touched. I replied in a very calm voice that, “Yes, that is right no one should ever touch you there except your Doctor and your mommy. And since I fall into the latter category, I'm OK to touch you and I'm not doing so in a bad way, I just don't want you to pee on me” The lady in the stall started laughing. I apologized for the outburst. She said it was nothing. He also went through a phase of screaming “DON'T BEAT ME....DON'T BEAT ME !!!!” when I asked him to get out from underneath the table in the restaurant. Something that he had never done before. To which I would reply, “ I haven't beat you a day in your life but I'm gonna start right now if you don't get our from underneath there !!!!” He would crawl our laughing and laughing.

But never in all the time she has ever uttered those words, did she mention that MY parent(s) would embarrass me. Well not until now that is. She phoned me Saturday to inform me that my father had made the evening news. The father that I don't have any type of relationship with. His choice when I was younger. My choice now that I'm older. I haven't spoken to or seen the man in 7 ½ years. I give you the parental embarrassment.........

A Lakeside Oregon man was arrested after police spotted him operating a vehicle while intoxicated.

Oregon State Police the vehicle in this case wasn’t a car but an adult sized tricycle.
Around 2 p.m. on Friday afternoon an OSP officer contacted a group of intoxicated people at Tenmile Lakes County Park. A 58-year-old Lakeside man identified as William David Bjorkquist told the officer he planned to ride his purple adult tricycle home. The officer advised Bjorkquist, who was under the influence at the time, not to operate the tricycle while intoxicated.
Bjorkquist told the officer he would push the tricycle while walking home.
A short time later, the officer spotted Bjorkquist riding the tricycle against traffic along Park Avenue. The officer then witnessed the man ride through a stop sign and down the wrong side of South 11th street. Bjorkquist was taken into custody and charged with DUII.
He was then cited and released from the Coos County Jail......

What an idiot.

Sugar Sweethooter ??? You have got be kidding me......

I'm sitting here at work when my phone goes off, alerting me that I have just received an incoming text. FAN-FRICKEN-TASTIC, what has my child done to himself now ?!?!?!? After yesterdays informing me that he slipped in gym and his foot popped. The foot that we just had surgery on. The foot that just got out of the air cast. You must remember the post for and against the wearing of the aircast for the EXACT amount of time as was instructed. Well, he is back in the aircast for at least 2 weeks if not more. The final decision will be made the 10th.

Anywhoooooo, I digress. My phone alerts me. It's from my Allie.

A: What are your plans this weekend ? And have you given any more thought about moving closer to your daughter so that you can spend more time with her since it's such a huge inconvienence for you now.

Me: ????? Unless I have missed something somewhere along they ANd it's quite possible, I don't have a daughter. I have a son. I see him everyday. He lives with me. I just moved a year ago this November and have plans of moving ANYtime soon

A: lol you and a-hole are right next to each other in my phone book

***a-hole being her self centered, arrogant, egotistical ex-husband. Class AAAA Jerk.***

Me: great do you think you could give me a nick name or something

A: Sure come up with a stripper name lol

Me: you got it girl

So I think and think and think. Tyring to come up with something cute, clever and non-descriptive. I coudn't. So I googled "how to choose your stripper name". Honestly !!! Check it out, it's there !!!! I choose a sight. I answer the little ol' questions and submit my answers. This is going to be great. I wait for my name to appear. Patience is wearing. Hurry up internet.

SUGAR SWEETHOOOTER

Huh ?!?!? Are you kidding me ??!?!?

Me: Hey, how about Sugar Sweethooter !!!!

A: LMAO !!! That is AWESOME !!! Sugar Sweethooter it is

Me: Great !!! This is Sugar Sweethooter signing off !!!!

Unbelievable. I think I need a better name. This might take some time. But until then........

This is Sugar Sweethooter signing off